It is almost inevitable that throughout your career trajectory, regardless of the industry or sector you work in, you will experience rejection. Whether it’s not being chosen to lead on a project, not securing a longed-for promotion, or not having the opportunity to embark on further training and development, rejection can be hard to accept. However, it doesn’t always have to be a negative aspect of your experience in the workplace.
Read our guide on how to initially avoid a fear of rejection in your career and how to effectively deal with any setbacks and use them to your advantage.
Why do we fear rejection?
The first step in avoiding a fear of rejection is to understand its roots. A concern around being rejected can be a significant obstacle for employees when striving to perform to their highest potential. This fear and being, typically, preoccupied by what others think, is what commonly holds individuals back from achieving their goals.
Most people – whether in day to day life or a work environment – are looking for acceptance and belonging, but the challenge comes when we need to try new things, which is essential to our professional growth and development, but requires stepping out of our comfort zone – forcing us to open ourselves up to potential rejection or failure.
Stopped yourself from attending a networking event? Not volunteered yourself to take the lead on a project? Opted out of sharing your achievements with others? It all stems from not wanting to fail or to be negatively judged by others. However, not opening yourself up to such opportunities can also be detrimental to your progression and future development.
Here are some practical pointers to consider to help you in overcoming your fear of rejection, as well as using your experience to your advantage…
Take a moment to step back and reflect
When you are faced with your fear, practise mindfulness by allowing yourself time to explore why you think you are going to experience rejection. Often, we will interpret a situation based on prior experience, either with the individual we are dealing with or linked to previous similar scenarios, but this doesn’t mean you will always be faced with the same outcome.
Ask yourself, what is factually happening? Could this be interpreted in another way? What might another perspective offer?
If you consistently anticipate rejection, our irrational feelings and beliefs can override a reasoned approach. Equally, take time to recognise that responses, such as anger, shame or even jealousy linked to rejection, can be extreme and need to be managed sensibly to avoid longer-term implications in the workplace.
Put yourself at risk
Often, the only way of overcoming a fear is to embrace it. Therefore, take active steps to expose yourself to potential rejection. This will be the main way to realise you can cope and will build your resilience over time.
Intentionally put yourself in situations where rejection is a possibility, such as starting conversations with new people – this can help to initially desensitise yourself to the feeling. We would suggest starting small by seeking out low-stakes scenarios to help you practice facing your fear, gradually building your courage as you achieve small wins. Before long, you will start to feel more confident.
Then put yourself forward for that leadership role… apply for that promotion… ask questions in meetings… and put yourself out there through networking events. You will likely surprise yourself, even if and when you face criticism or non-acceptance from others.
Remember the context
Often, when we experience rejection, we can distort the reality of our situation. This leads to us overgeneralising and perceiving that our whole worthiness is bound up in this experience.
Therefore, it is vital to remember that the rejection is situational and will only relate to specific aspects of your identity or behaviour. For instance, if you interview for a new role, a prospective employer might feed back to you that you haven’t been chosen due to a lack of “organisational or cultural fit”. This doesn’t mean you won’t be a perfect “fit” for another opportunity. Remember, your value is not determined by one employer’s or one person’s perception of you.
Acknowledge your feelings
It is completely natural to feel disappointed, frustrated or upset when faced with rejection. Acknowledging how you feel will enable you to process your thoughts and feelings. Reach out to a trusted colleague, friend, or mentor to talk through your experience of rejection.
You might also find it helpful to document your thoughts. Sometimes putting pen to paper and journaling how you are experiencing/have experienced rejection can also help you to validate your feelings and to develop a plan moving forward. Allow yourself dedicated time to write without judgment, encouraging a free flow of thoughts and emotions. This can help you to better understand causes and patterns related to your feelings and help you to manage them more effectively in the future.
Seek feedback
In some circumstances where we experience rejection in our career, it might be appropriate to seek feedback. For example, if you have attended an interview for a new role within your current organisation or a new position with a prospective employer, it will be beneficial to request feedback on your application and performance.
Constructive feedback from others can be invaluable to help you to self-reflect, develop further, and enhance your performance and prospects for the future. Asking for feedback can also show a genuine commitment to others, that you are receptive to change and to taking steps to address any areas for development.
Overall
Only through experiencing rejection and developing and practising coping skills can you build on your resilience – an essential ability in the modern workplace and a competitive labour market. By exposing yourself to rejection, you will come to realise it’s not as bad as you initially perceive.
Experiencing and tolerating the discomfort you feel through being rejected – whether it’s by a colleague, a manager, or a prospective employer – will enable you to respond effectively to adversity in other aspects of your life. Dealing with a fear of rejection, whilst challenging, can open up new opportunities and experiences that we may never have otherwise considered.
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